Marathon Training Plans for Runners with 0, 1, and 2 Offspring Under Age 5 (OPRSub5)

Marathon plans usually revolve around goal time. Mine is different.

After completing the Napa Valley Marathon this weekend, I will have run a variety of marathons with a variety of training plans during a variety of seasons in my life. Therefore, I am now offering my own marathon training plan.

Most marathon training plans are designed for runners to achieve a goal time, and the way they differ is by revolving around different core indicators. For example, the indicator could be speed (mph), heart rate (HR), or blood oxygen utilization (VO₂Max). The plans then integrate a variety of workouts according to this core indicator, prescribe an increasing amount of weekly miles over roughly four months, and incorporate a long run at the end of each week.

But not my plans. My running philosophy does away with all of this needlessly complex running terminology. At the core of my plans is a simple statistic that I call the OPRSub5, or the offspring per runner that are under the age of five.

My OPRSub5 score has risen from 0 to 1, then from 1 to 2 in the past four years. This progressive overload has given me key insights that have allowed me to develop a training philosophy around the sole defining factor of OPRSub5.

Philosophy

An OPRSub5 score of 0 lends itself to full meals, leisurely morning runs, few contracted childhood illnesses (VOM), infrequent night wakings (PM0), and little guilt arising from perceived spousal spite (GPSS—a high score of which has a unique ability to impact workout length). But the plans for runners with OPRSub5 scores of 1 and 2 reflect the increasing amounts of each of these physiological and psychological stressors.

Here is a typical marathon training plan from Hal Higdon, an experienced coach and marathon great who uses heart rate, blood oxygen utilization, and other indicators in crafting his plans. This plan—as are all plans with the exception of my own—is geared towards runners with an OPRSub5 score of 0:

But as previously stated, a runner with an OPRSub5 score of 1 will have high levels of physical and existential vexations associated with the raising of offspring. Here is my plan for a runner with an OPRSub5 score of 1:

I prescribe different types of runs—which include Imaginary Runs, Trots, A Hill, and Nice lil Runs—in order to stimulate different aching muscle groups (OWmg), while Sundays are designated Fun Run days. On Fun Run days, any run is acceptable as long as it is fun. Tuesdays are the plan’s weekly Grocery Store workouts, which incorporate isometric and interval training as well as flexibility. Rest days and panic days are similar, though each caters to a different type of recovery: rest for the body and panic for the mind. This is a key component of every marathon training program, regardless of approach. Each back-to-back pair of panic and rest days are followed by *sigh* day, meant for reluctant recommittal to the program. Finally, you’ll notice that my OPRSub5 1 Plan is roughly one month shorter than Higdon’s OPRSub5 0 Plan. This heightens the probability that the program can be completed before you need to take on a second job.

Here is the same plan modified for a runner with an OPRSub5 score of 2:

While my expertise does not extend to runners with OPRSub5 scores of 3 or more, mathematical extrapolation strongly suggests that an individual would reach their maximum amount of OPR (OPRSub5MAX) at a score of roughly 2.4, at which point all days on the calendar would be sick days.

Upon scoring a 3 or higher on the OPRSub5, it is advisable that a runner transition to lunchtime pickleball.